I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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