what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
