You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
