He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
