Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize