I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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