So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
