and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
