My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize