Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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