Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
