so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
