So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he fucked my hip out of place.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
