capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
