The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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