So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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