He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I wear drunk well.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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