Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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