i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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