apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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