K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
