So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
id be glad to
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
