whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
