sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
