I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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