You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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