And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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