I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
