THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
