I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
