Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
