I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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