sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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