Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
