I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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