i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bring me that man meat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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