where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i now understand why vodka
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize