And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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