He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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