I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
