remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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