stop calling my apartment porn island.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
