I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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