There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
