You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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