He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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