we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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