How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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