when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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