Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
