I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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