the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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