she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
