I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize