Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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